Authoritative Authoritarian
Dear Doctor,
Which is the most important parenting skill when dealing with an adolescent authoritative authoritarian?
Mom
Dear Mom,
May I suggest rooms in a nearby hotel, for either one of you!
If you mean your teen is no shrinking violet with a mind of his/her own, be happy. Wasn’t that what you prayed for when you first had your son or daughter? We parents are always asking to have thinking, independent minded kids.
When we get them, we don’t like it! All work with teens involves a change in parenting approach. Learning to listen is the first step and, usually, it is the parent who is upset that authority is being questioned.
After we learn to listen before popping off at the mouth, we need to change from being directive and controlling to guiding our teens into thinking through and changing their decisions and behavior.
If the behavior is very destructive, a parent must take action. But, most of the time, control battles and conflicts with parents grow from old patterns of treating an emerging teen as if he.she were a small child.
Our fear often makes us nag and become major parental irritants. If I understand your question, you seem to be frustrated and probably have said "I give up" more than once. Don’t. Hang in there.
Along with listening, patience is the greatest parental skill. Our faith in our children and in our work with them pays off but often not as quickly as we want. Traits in our children usually come from somewhere.
Could you be the genetic source of any of your teen’s behavior?
Tags: authoritarian, conflicts with parents, control battles, independent minded kids, very destructive behavior
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