Curfew Indignity
Dear Doctor,
I am sixteen years old and have my driver’s license. I am a junior in high school, and I make good grades.
My parents think I should be in on school nights by nine o’clock and on the weekends by eleven. We have had arguments about it, and I told them I was going to ask you what you thought.
Shouldn’t teenagers my age be able to stay out later on week nights and until at least twelve on weekends?
Testing Teen
Dear Teen,
There are those times when it is best for me to keep my mouth shut.
This is one of them, and I don’t want to get into a family struggle.
Having said that, I will now offer my opinion, thus making both you and your parents unhappy. I do not agree with either one of you. On week nights, were you my teenage son, you would be going "out" only for special reasons, sports, group work, assignments etc.
Other social "outs" would be infrequent indeed. A driver’s license or high school class standing to the contrary, you should be home based on those nights. Nine seems overly generous and means your parents trust you significantly.
Did it ever occur to you that your good grades might be a result of their weekday rules? As to the weekend I do agree with you, at least to some extent. Perhaps you and your parents could work out a compromise based upon the tempo of your social life.
Many teen events on weekends simply do not get through by eleven. What parents need to know is information. They should have a clear idea of where you are and who you are with. They have to trust you to be doing the right thing.
Remember one thing. Parenting is scary. The fear Moms and Dads have is real. You are able to go a long way by being rational, open, and realistic. Give a little, and you are likely to get.
If you become the silent teenaged sphinx, you will discover rules you know not of!
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