Grandchild Worries
Dear Doctor,
Over a year ago our son died in an accident leaving a wife and a grandchild.
We very much love our grandson and have had, for the most part, been there for him. That was true until the last few months. At that time our daughter in law showed a change, and things have deteriorated.
Her behavior has included things which put our grandson at risk, that is drugs and alcohol along with new behavior like screaming. Another man has also entered the picture. We are desperate and want to help our grandson.
What can we do?
Worried Grandparents
Dear Grandparents,
If your e mail comes from Massachusetts, the law is not especially friendly to grandparents.
In fact, that is true in most states. Grandparents do not have "standing" or a legal right to intervene regarding their "grandprogeny". However, if abuse is suspected or proven, things could change.
Be advised the battle would be complex and difficult. You need a lawyer, not a psychologist. A competent lawyer, versed in probate and family law, could help you understand what routes, if any, to follow. From a grandparents’ point of view, may I suggest you do your best to stay in touch with your grandson, even if you are not always welcomed by mother.
Do it unobtrusively with cards, small gifts or remembrances, and phone calls. Your grandson needs to know you are there and that you care for him. I am also a believer in ministries of kindness where they are least expected. For example, suppose you called your daughter in law with an offer to baby-sit or give her a regular evening out.
By all means avoid any comments which could be construed as critical of her. Is there any reason she should be seeing you as a critic or enemy? If you are strongly suspicious of clear abuse or neglect, it is your duty and obligation to notify the Division of Social Service. Their number is in the first few pages of the phone book.
They will investigate and place the situation under ongoing review. Your call is confidential, and the source of the complaint will not be revealed to your daughter in law. Through all of this you must be grieving the loss of your son. Losing ongoing contact with your grandson is yet another blow.
You have my deepest sympathy and respect. Every blessing.
Tags: competent lawyer, drugs and alcohol, grandparents, massachusetts, neglect, obligation, psychologist
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