Problem, yes or no?
Dear Doctor,
At in home day care the sitter’s daughter grabs mine, for no reason other than to get a reaction, and pinches her. She gets a reaction. Then the sitter tells her daughter, "Don’t do that".
The sitter then yells at my daughter and tells her to stop crying because she is doing what her daughter wants.
She tells my daughter to tell her child to stop. Shouldn’t the sitter concentrate on getting her daughter to stop her bad behavior?
Do you have any suggestions on how to handle this problem or should I get another sitter?
No Pinches
Dear Pinches,
The two people who should change their behavior are probably you and the sitter.
Did either of you ever hear of changing human behavior or learning through experience? Yes, I do have a suggestion.
The summer days are hot, and the two of you (without the kids) should enjoy a cool glass of tea together. You both obviously have a point of view. You think the sitter is partial to her own daughter.
This is likely in a normal world. She probably also knows more about how her daughter thinks and behaves. She probably sees your daughter as spoiled and a whiner, possibly over mothered.
She likely misreads your concerns and may be a little jealous of the fact you get to go to work while she is stuck with in home care! Who knows. Somewhere between the two of you lies a reasonable path for learning.
Of course you want your daughter to be able to handle her own problems, but the day care circuit may not be the place to solve all that. Tell her you are most concerned about safety and you would appreciate having your daughter protected from assault.
At the same time allow her to explain how she sees your child and what she feels would be helpful. Lay out a disciplinary plan, exactly how it will be handled. If you find the sitter is intractable and with no point of view for how to help both daughters, move on. But be careful.
Problems we avoid in one setting have a way of visiting us eventually in another.
Leave a Comment