When To Stop
Dear Doctor,
My husband has worked the night shift all of our marriage.
Our first son is 14. He likes for me to go into his room at night, talk to him, or listen to what he wants to say.
Then I tell him goodnight and to go to sleep. Sometimes I will sleep in his room.
Our 10 year old son likes for me to read and to talk to him. Sometimes I will sleep in there also.
My husband says I should kiss them goodnight, turn off the light, and leave. I say they will outgrow it and ask me to stop. Am I causing damage when the boys call me into their rooms?
What to Do
Dear What to Do,
Both of you are giving valid and wonderful messages about your sons. Dad is saying it is time for the boys to grow up. That is partly true although all of us, at any age, love to be "tucked in". (Ask any woman about the behavior of a husband who is ill.)
This bedtime ritual has developed over time. The boys treasure their time with you, and I agree you should allow them to give you their eventual clue. Bunking in with them overnight in their rooms, however, is another matter.
They need their space without Mom being there. Keep the time to say goodnight and observe the ritual but return to your own room for sleep. You are fortunate to have children who wish to share with you these special moments.
Learning, as a parent, when to be close and when to encourage your children to be on their own is difficult. You would not be writing this letter if you had not had some doubts about your pattern. Use your head along with your heart, and you will not go wrong.
By the way, what does Dad do with the boys?
Tags: bedtime stories and boys, saying goodnight, tucked in ritual
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