Love With Fewer Calories
Dear Dr. Larsen,
I have a beautiful, 8 month old, baby girl who is my angel.
What I am finding most disconcerting is that people, including friends and family, have made comments on her chubbiness saying she doesn’t seem to miss any meals, or she has her mother’s thighs.
She is in the 100 percentile for height and weight and she is perfectly proportioned. She is healthy and chubby and a happy, happy baby.
How can I create an environment for this child where her self esteem will remain intact?
Here I am 40 years old and I was tormented by comments on the appearance of my legs: piano legs, thunder thighs, too much Crisco in the can.
I am still self conscious after all these years. I won’t wear shorts or bathing suits.
When I hear these comments I simply say she is perfect to me. But I know what she is in for and I would like to make her strong enough to handle mean comments about her appearance even when I am not there.
How can I build her up so she won’t suffer as I have?
Unconditional Love
Dear Unconditional,
Congratulations on your wonderful daughter and your insight into something most of us rarely think about — the power of words.
Though thoughtlessly considered amusing or clever, words have a way of defining who we are and what we become. Words are the sinews that bind relationships and the means of building or assaulting self image. But we need not be victims.
Becoming strong means being happy with who and what we are. Thus I would suggest doing the following. First, stop people from using the language you deplore by telling them what you have just told me.
Tell them you do not want your daughter characterized in this way. Let them know you do not find it amusing. Second, why determine your daughter’s destiny as similar to your own. Your being proactive is the best gift. Resolve to do what you can to provide appropriate diet, control of food, and adequate exercise.
If your daughter is overweight at this point, consult your pediatrician. Probably her development and weight will even out over time. Finally, sit down and write a mission statement for parenting of your daughter around the issues of food, health, and weight.
Outline in specific terms what you can do. Then do it.
Tags: building a child's self-esteem, child self-esteem, child weight problems, weight and self-esteem
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